Often, when we have a crush, when we lust for a person, we see only a small percentage of who they really are. The rest we make up for ourselves. Rather than listen, or learn, we smother them in who we imagine them to be, what we desire for ourselves, we create little fantasies of people and let them grow in our hearts. And this is where the relationship fails. In time, the fiction we scribble onto a person falls away, the lies we tell ourselves unravel and soon the person standing in front of you is almost unrecognizable, you are now complete strangers in your own love. And what a terrible shame it is. My advice: pay attention to the small details of people, you will learn that the universe is far more spectacular an author than we could ever hope to be.
I am too considerate of other people, and I tend to neglect myself. I will go to the ends of the earth just to watch a smile spread across the sad face of a stranger, but on days I feel down I pick at my skin while battling with a voice that won’t stop screaming insults at me inside my head. I’ve stayed up till the sun started to rise on nights I thought I was going collapse due to lack of sleep so I could do my best to mend a few broken hearts, exploding lungs, and spurting veins. Everyone asked how many drugs I was on the next day because of the bags under my eyes, shaky hands, and uneven breaths. No one has ever been there for me at four in the morning when I thought my bones were shattering and my tears were flooding my bedroom. I apologize for talking too much or even a tad too loud, I say I’m sorry if I take too long to complete a task, I hang my head in shame if I don’t pronounce a word clearly or I feel like a burden to those around me. I treat those I know like gold, because my whole entire life I’ve known what it’s like to be brushed away as if I am dust on the shelf.